Failures in Food and Television

Honestly, I should feel ashamed of myself.

Last night was one of those rare nights when I had absolutely nothing planned for the evening and was sorta kinda flying by the seat of my pants (or skirt, or whathaveyou). I got off work and dutifully stopped at the closest Teeter for some much needed grocery shopping. Now, here is a short musing on Teeterhood: in Charlotte, there is a Harris Teeter situated nearly every half mile to mile from one another. Naturally, we would like to swing by the closest one on the way home - however -proximity is not a proper basis for deciding where to stopnshop. For example, I believe we can all agree that not all parking lots are created equal. A poorly planned parking lot that drives up my blood pressure and increases my likelihood of stroke at an early age cancels out any convenience of stopping at the "closest" Teeter. I need to remember this next time because really, another 2-5 minutes of driving is totally worth not getting hit by people itchin n' scratchin for their next Starbucks hit.

I survived and made my way home to *gasp of utter shock* do my laundry - using both laundry rooms in the house next door to maximize my laundering abilities. I wasn't sure of possible plans for later in the evening but I knew I should probably get something to eat.

But I was still on strike.

So I went over to the drawer in my room, which is, essentially a pool house or guest house equipped with amenities of sorts. I tore open a pack of expired salted peanuts (for protein) and settled onto a chair in front of the television I hadn't turned on since moving in in January. I pressed the TV Power button and an image of CSPAN filled the screen. I had been checking out the channel when the healthcare debate was raging full force. Not in the mood for political pontificating, I channeled up. To static. Channeled down: static. Menued: static. Guided: static. Split-screened: side-by-side versions of static.

Hrmph.

I turned it all off and tried again. I tried the other remote. I tried both remotes at the same time. I stuck my head in the dusty space between the TV set and cabinet and checked out the wires.

Hrmph.

Fine then. I headed over to the house and turned on the TV there. Apparently two shows were being recorded on Tivo and I couldn't switch from the 25th anniversary of some rock n roll shenanigan without interrupting recording and well I just wasn't about to do that because it's not my Tivo. So I went to the TV on the other side of the house. Repeat performance of the TV in my room. No static. Just black screen of VID-1. (Try remote 1, Try remote 2). Honestly, am I television-challenged or remote-challenged or is this just a useless challenge confirming my belief that television is stupid and rots the brain cells of which we only use 10% to begin with.

Now what? Food.

I'm not hungry for some reason but I know I should eat. I don't feel like going anywhere. So I look around the cabinets for something innocuous that wouldn't be a big deal if I borrowed. I settle on microwaveable, single-serving Annie's Organic White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese. Welcome to the land of "healthy" easy mac. Dubious claim indeed but I'm not picky tonight. All I need for this is a bowl and 1/2 cup of water. Innocent enough. I spend the next fifteen minutes in the dim lighting looking for a measuring cup. I'm not kidding - I scoured every drawer and cabinet in the entire kitchen. Nothin. So I guessed. I miscalculated and there wasn't quite enough water to absorb the powder cheesiness and so it was a little funky.

This is why I should be ashamed of myself. It has been so long since I have cooked for myself that I messed up microwaveable pasta. Shit.

Somewhat defeated and much deflated of ego, I notice the TV is finally showing something decent on a channel I can watch - Gran Torino. Great movie - maybe not the uplifting, easy going film I was looking for but I'll take it. I settle in and start getting emotionally wrapped up in the plot and characters and complex thoughts on race and life and death and just as the going gets really rough in the movie - a warning pops on the screen alerting me that the channel must switch to continue recording the next show. I can cancel the recording and continue watching OR switch channels as directed. And so I glumly watch the channel switch from the violently jarring images of lives marred by gang violence and racism to...

Cougartown.

Really?